A Catalogue of Beautiful Minds

all the subjectivity

It’s mostly streams of thoughts with a judgemental over seer that discredits most of it’s findings. A million thoughts, a million different scenarios on what reality is with only one permanent thought remaining after they have all been chucked away as unreliable; that there is no concrete reality… everything is too subjective for there to be. It’s obsessive and it had stopped me from forming an identity but only through this thought alone I claimed any identity as it’s the only thing I knew to be consistent.

Lately however, through my analysis of everything being subjective (with even the most objective observations of things being made by subjects for our understanding), and realised that if there is no reality then I should silence this thought and let a reality grab me (as I was not leading a very happy existence with this in mind)… a reality that I feel and can’t think and have no conception over… that I can’t make sense of when I try and grapple with it. So, through my objective atheistic prisoner’s reasoning I’ve been set free to surrender to subjectivity. Since then I have stopped silencing myself with confusing philosophical books which run arguments into the ground through mental bickering and have given up trying to perfect things I feel no real love for to create something to represent the person who I am supposed to be.

I decided to discard the idea that it was stupid to actually experience anything first hand and went to the extreme of not trying to find this through anything else apart from the subjectivity within me and simultaneously outside of me. I awoke to myself and reached outwards to inwards to experience the most beautiful and real subjective experience that finally gave me reality. Since then, I still fight daily to not try and make sense of it and not convince myself that it’s incorrect because it’s subjective, as this is the thing that makes me love and know reality. It makes me feel things, this subjectivity, that even the most intense external relationship with another subject can not.

So in a sense, my mind is something that despises subjectivity to the core but being a subject and using the logic of my mind about how reality is subjective, I realised the only way to be who I am is to give into the fact that I am the subjective. Through this subjectivity I see other subjects, as despite my earlier findings of the idea that there is no reality due to every thought on reality being subjective, I find a truth, a reality, that we are all subjects.

I awoke to love, not only love but a love, a caring for the subjects isolated in my old confusion and for the subjective itself. This ability to love wasn’t something I thought, it was something I felt and I only felt it through reaching to an old love of mine that I feel at the pit of my being… the subject within the subject that is the core of all subjects. The only being that has kept me company throughout the years who I don’t “know” and can not explain who I’ve been trying to silence with my mind… with it’s hatred for subjectivity… and who, through my mind’s own logical defeat, I was able to love again. So this is what goes on in my mind..a little bit of it anyway… it used to work against me but now it doesn’t.

jesuswasclassy

The streamers of gold would blind you and the rays of light make your heart sing.

The darkness would swallow you whole.

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valentine-wiggin

Damn. Well.

My mind is still immature and unrefined. But I would say that it’s a synthesizer and filter. I try to pass all my experiences through it, shaving away the noise and distilling what I judge can contribute to a more intense expression of myself, a more concentrated effort on my part to give to the world, a more deliberate way of living.

I have an affinity for shapes and aesthetics because I think that they are the most condensed forms of all the din and chaos in the world. A circle is simple but it can be a paradigm for something much more complex basically. Similarly in art we can say a complicated thing in a much simpler way.

So I guess my mind is trying to be a more efficient engine. Better at utilizing energy to trim things down, to resolve ambiguity and excess into clearer forms. I don’t think everyone’s mind should be this way, I treasure pluralism, but these are my personal idiosyncrasies. This is just one kind of mind that is needed in the world, and there are things this mind of mine is not well-adapted to.

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pubertystillhurts

I have no idea what goes on around my head but whatever it does in there has me in a good mood nearly all the time so I thank it for that and am too casual to really dive in and fully dissect why. I have this natural tendency to make people laugh and smile and attempt to make them just as happy as me but while that is all good and stuff I do wish I could tone it down every now and then.

Since getting my job at the cinema I’ve gained a lot of confidence with talking to people, making eye contact and all that good stuff, but there’s still a shade of the old, unemployed me that still bares enough insecurity inside that makes me question whether or not I should stop constantly spouting jokes or funny remarks in reply to everything somebody says to me. Or if I should shut up a bit and get a bit serious with things for a little while. Which is why my blog is full of posts about poo and other bodily fluids because I generally don’t care about the serious stuff enough to think ranting about it on a blog for a website that houses millions more.

But really I do enjoy being having my mind even if that means I go bright red and my voice breaks from time to time. I have the natural ability to make people laugh and nothing is ever deemed serious enough to never enjoy, and that’s great. I also really want my mind to force me to get my hair cut too.

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singsthenightingale

I’m afraid to say that my mind is a horrible mess the large majority of the time. It is constantly worrying that it will be experiencing things it doesn’t agree with based upon its past. It clings to the feel-goods and shames the unpleasants. I am not proud of this behavior, but it is a practiced routine from years past — a habit difficult to break.

On the other hand, when my mind is not worrying itself into a depression, it is either serene, focused, or both. This is when I feel the most productive and in touch with some deep, pure part of me. I believe that this is where my truest actions arise. This is where poetry is born and magic transpires.

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definedbygodslove

Thinking goes on in my mind and it works mechanically with atoms and energy. I prefer to not be in my mental body though.

My spiritual body is where the magic happens. =D

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catchingcrumbs

My mind works in colors and poetry. I’m very analytical, so everything I see becomes an investigation. It never stays focused on one thing for too long. However, love is present in my mind at all times. I always, always love someone or something. One of the perks of being at an all girls boarding school is that there are people there all the time, awake at any time of day or night, so I get to tell someone how much they matter in the world. My mind sees beauty and radiates positivity in darkness. My mind strives to know truth, most of all - whatever that may be.

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searchingforshiva

Many things go on in my mind. I see most things through the lens that all of this – the world, my thoughts, my desires – are all the play of Divine Consciousness. It makes the world wondrously interesting to see all things as the playful will of inner Self. Everything else I think stems from this, usually.

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leetskill

My mind is like a dark abyss with no beginning and with no end. Throughout this darkness there is light shining. This light is representative of my hopes, my dreams, my aspirations, my loves, and my emotions. Over time the light has spread and in time the darkness will be replaced in its entirety by light. My mind works and grows everyday with experiences that are founded in the real and transmuted into the ethereal.

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